Relentless: The Blog
Gifting the Gifter
While grocery shopping this past week I noticed an elderly man circling the parking lot repeatedly with his full shopping cart, he had clearly forgotten where he parked and was making no headway in his efforts to find his car. I offered my assistance, which spurred on two other individuals to begin scanning the parking lot as well, and together we find the gentleman's car. I ended our encounter feeling joyful, connected to my heart instead of the mental structure of my mind. I felt, well, alive and I noticed that the two other people who joined in the search were beaming as well.
It occurred to me that I had shared a piece of my truth by assisting this individual and it simply felt "right"; not the "right thing to do" but right in that it was an expression of who I am. I felt grateful that this person provided me with the opportunity to share and experience my authentic self and so, I was sure to send the energy of gratitude his way. On the surface some might say I had done something kind for him, but dig a little deeper and you discover he had gifted me as well.
That event led my rambling mind to all the times others have offered assistance to their fellow man, in a variety of fashions and meaningful ways, only to be shut down by the receiver. "No, I got it," we say to the gifter or, "Oh, you don't have to do that." Instantaneously, we squelch the offerings of another.
Our motivation for bringing the engagement to a screeching halt might be due to embarrassment or more often than not, a sense of being undeserving of what it is they wish to bestow upon us. Perhaps we don't want to "be a bother" and thus it falls under the guise of not placing unnecessary demands on another, what is seen as the polite thing to do.
Many times we behave in the same way when another offers us a compliment. We scoff at their remark or make a point of downplaying the sentiment they choose to share. It's often the social norm for us to behave in this way. Once again, we abruptly abort the exchange of energy.
We mean no harm when we behave in this manner, but what we are indeed doing is robbing that individual of the chance to express and share a portion of their true selves. Their efforts at kindness are cut short and thus the joy of giving from the purest place of oneself is never allowed to fully blossom; they never get to enjoy the sharing as I did in the example above where I helped the lost man in the grocery store's parking lot.
I find that kind of sad, that we unintentionally steal that from each other. It seems to me that the only thing required when another provides us with a compliment, or offers help in some way, is gratitude. "Thank you" is the only thing that should be falling from our lips. That simple expression is how we in turn can gift the gifter, allowing them that instant of truthful and blissful sharing as we embrace what it is they have chosen to bestow upon us. It truly is an act of compassion and caring on our part to acknowledge the sacred glimpse of another's soul and heart as we openly embrace their offering.
Be well and happy.
January 26, 2015
As I was convalescing from my illness, doing only the most necessary of tasks, I came across a posting on Facebook that declared we should stop romanticizing being busy. I had to nod my head in agreement with that one, as a society we relish rushing about our days and our lives in an effort to accomplish a multitude of tasks we've deemed significant. Ask anyone, "How are you?" and their response will often be, "Busy." What is so attractive about running full throttle?
When we're racing from one thing to the next we often complain yet many of us continue with this pattern of behavior, exhausting our minds and our bodies in the process. As humans we do very few things if there isn't a pay off. I believe the pay off in this instance is a feeling of importance. Being busy means we are we're needed and we matter. If we dig a little further we discover there's an even more pressing need behind our compulsion to be "doing" at all times.
So many clients vent feelings of being overwhelmed with all they "have" to do in their lives. Often times they see no option for reconfiguring their formula and allowing time and space for themselves, or for simply existing. When suggestions are offered that might alleviate some of their stress and responsibilities most are wrought with anxiety, and that's where the deeper learning begins. When we explore what lies beneath the angst what we often find is that we utilize our to-do lists to demonstrate our worthiness. It becomes our way of proving to others that we're lovable and that we have something of value, our own personal commercial of sorts. "Look what I can offer you!" we say with a winning smile.
But what would happen if we stopped the madness, refrained from performing our song and dance? Many of us fear that we will be abandoned. After all, why would others want us around if there is nothing we can do for them? Sadly, we've forgotten that we're worthy and lovable simply because we exist, it's as simple as that. There is nothing we need to "do" to keep our place in the line of "those deemed lovable", we were born with a permanent place that bears our name.
Just how did we get here? The exact words, phrases and events will be different for everyone but somewhere along the way we were taught this hurtful belief that was disguised as a truth. This led me to wonder if we ever understood being loved not for our actions but simply because we were here. A vision of an infant appeared to me, a time when no one expects anything from us other than basic body functions. Young babies aren't consumed with what they need to do next so that we will keep them around. The youngest in our midst are still human beings, not human doings. They are held and cherished despite their simple offerings of sleeping, eating and relieving themselves.
I soon realized that I wanted to go back to that level of existence and bring a deeper level of healing within myself; one where there were no perceived requirements of me, one where I didn't need to perform to prove my value or "sell" myself. What came to me was a vision of being held as one would an infant, my parental figure in this instance the universe. I could see myself being embraced and rocked, no demands or expectations to speak of and what I felt was absolute bliss, a contentment in knowing that there was nothing I needed to "do" to receive the love that was being freely shared with me. Ahh. There was an immediate relief and letting go, the pressures within me vanquishing. I now make a point of taking the time to hold this vision randomly throughout my day, permitting myself to remember what I knew so very long ago.
I share this insight with you so that you might try this simple exercise, allowing yourself to be bathed in the arms of the divine, a place of love and acceptance with no strings attached. If only for an instant commit your intentions to recalling what it was like to be a human simply being, no longer driven by the doing.
Be well and happy.
January 19, 2015
The new year hasn't found me in an invincible state. 2015 has taken me to the most basic levels of functioning, initially physically and now emotionally. It has drained me to a point that only the most necessary of life's routines have a place in my day. I must carefully meter out the investment of my faculties and energies. It's a familiar place as I've been here before and I know the only thing I can do is wait, as this is a force and a process that is far greater than me. My body initiated this avalanche of sorts and it is time that will allow my soul to dig its way out of the ruins.
I know this to be a cleansing, one I've set in motion with intentions spoken to the universe, simple and innocent in my requests that will lead me to levels of grand complexity that I had no way of foreseeing. Ask and ye shall receive. While I find it utterly excruciating as I sit in the midst of it, it is faith in this process that allows me to endure, for experience has taught me that it always guides me to a deeper place of peace and clarity within myself. I have an unwavering faith in my growing curve that has been earned from 25 years of self discovery. The process, a seemingly etheric entity, has never let me down and so I will remain quietly and humbly nestled in its hands as it carries me to a place that has only my best intentions. And still I wait.
There is nothing I can do to do make this happen any faster. Through my physical illness the universe has ensured that I've no reserves to strong arm my way to the other side of this detour, a technique I've implored many times on my journey but not one appropriate for this go-round. Hope has been my closest companion my entire life, giving me the courage necessary to take one step and then the next. There are times that I've closed my eyes tight on the trail of my life with nothing but a death grip on the hands of hope. Now is one of those times, and I'm sure there will be others. Hope is my abiding friend and I trust her with my life.
I've learned a thing or two in this rodeo, and one of those things I've discovered is that routine can provide us with the comfort we need in our moments of despair. Routine is all I'm capable of at this point and ironically it feeds me, as its familiarity is like a warm embrace. The commonplace things and events of my days bring a small smile to my wounded soul, glimmers of comfort. The universe nurtures me when I've nothing to give myself, opening my heart and allowing the flow of grief to make its great escape.
I permit that flow to carry me through another layer of relief and release. Just as water finds its release in the springs of the Earth, having traveled from the unknown depths deep within our planet, so too does my sorrow travel from the furthest reaches of my core. My mourning feels ancient, its source as long forgotten as the water's origins but it too is real nonetheless. And still I wait.
Waiting is sometimes the only means of healing available to us as we allow unseen forces to carry us through. After the surrendering the time will come once again for clear and concise action. I invite you to share in my relationships with faith, hope and the routine whenever life asks you too to simply wait...
Be well and happy.
January 12, 2015
Words are a fundamental part of our existence in this world. They allow us to communicate a vast majority of information so that it might be understood and more readily accessible to those around us. We utilize words to connect with ourselves, one another and the universe. They're a tool that we rely on constantly, yet many of us misuse them and their power continually.
Language is a form of energetic expression, uttering a few simple phrases can build mountains or cause them to crumble. Lest you doubt this, call to mind an instance where someone spoke harshly to you, stopping you in your tracks instantly. Conversely, recall a situation where the words spoken to you gave you the necessary confidence or courage to proceed with an open heart and mind. Masaru Emoto wrote a brilliant book, The Hidden Messages in Water, that shows photographic documentation of the effects of various words on water crystals, a substance that formulates much of our Earth and our bodies. His photos provide a clear understanding of the beauty or malformation created from simply one word. The words that flow from our mouth, or in written form, are so very powerful in their energetic impact that they can alter another or their life instantly and, potentially, forever.
I believe it's time we handle these powerhouses with the respect they deserve. Many of us know and understand the importance of the words we choose when speaking to others. That's not to say that everyone is actively practicing what they may have heard or learned, but the knowledge is common. The next step for many of us need be our self talk, meaning how does the language we use effect us personally.
When we utilize common phrases such as, "It's killing me..." or "You make me sick..." we are sending an energetic message to the universe in the form of language. The universe identifies that energy as being that which we choose to manifest and obligingly creates situations where the aforementioned statements come to fruition. If you state that another is "driving you crazy", well, then they will.
The same holds true for physical experiences. It's not uncommon for use to use such lingo as, "My headache..." or "I have a pain in my lower back." What's the flaw in such common phrases? If you re-read them you will see that in each there is an owning of the symptom, "my" and "I have" tell your body and the universe that this is part of you, not just an event that is occurring to you. Is it really that important, you may wonder. I suggest that it is, especially when you look at a lifetime of claiming various physical ailments or experiences; over that period of time we embody what was previously ailing us because we have claimed it as our own, many times over.
The solution is to simply refuse to utter such common phrases that are meant to convey our frustrations. Stop utilizing the phrase and instead convey the emotion. Again, a word of caution as to how you do share your feelings. If you caught on in the previous paragraph, you will see that statements such as, "I'm angry..." or "I'm depressed..." also take ownership for the energy of anger and depression, in essence we are saying, "I am anger..." or "I am depression..." Such declarations are saying "this is my identity". What to do? Semantics to some but a much clearer and truer signal to the universe would be a sentence such as, "I feel disappointed..." or to be even more crystal clear try "This anxiety about (fill in the blank)..." Such phrasing gives us the ability to express and share while creating a space that energetically states that this is not what comprises me. Severing that umbilical cord also tells our own minds that this is simply a situation that we are bringing awareness to, not a statement of our true self.
Initially, simply bring consciousness to the phrases you may use on a regular basis that aren't in your best interest, and gradually try to eliminate them from your vocabulary. Begin to listen to the way in which others speak as well, the beacons of energy they emit. The next step is to play with the new expressions in your own mind, as you are thinking to yourself try out the new arrangements of your wording. Lastly, slowly add it to conversations you may have with others. Initially it may feel awkward, but that actually works in our favor for it forces us to pause and more consciously convey what it is we hope to share, and that is never a bad thing. Imagine the totality of the energetic effect this re-phrasing can have, starting at a cellular level and reaching the macro-sphere of the universe that encompasses us. It costs us nothing but a focused intent and is a simple but profound way of self-care.
Be well and happy.
January 5, 2015
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